So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I pour the whiskey from now on
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
