i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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