3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
