Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
