ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
