how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
