I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
