you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
