I feel great
I just peed on a car
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
