you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
