I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
