the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
