i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
