You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
