Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
