Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
