Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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