Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
