i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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