He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
