I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize