so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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