Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it's great music for shaving your balls
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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