If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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