Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize