Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
