your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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