laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
