South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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