so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
