I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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