My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's blow job season.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
