Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
