I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
