Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
