I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize