It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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