I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
