I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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