i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize