Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
