Tell her she can't have a vagina
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
