i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
