Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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