Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
