I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
