Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
