Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
