it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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