Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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