look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
