Ambien. No doubt about it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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