Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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