I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
