My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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