she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
