It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
