best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
