I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Randomize
