absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize