Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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