girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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