I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize