hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
