I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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