im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
