i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
