I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Randomize
