i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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