Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
