when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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