Screwed.edu
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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