One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
wow bdsm is so cute
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
