guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
