Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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