the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
