Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I know her cup size but not her name....
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