Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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