I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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