I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize