Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you have to choose: penises or morals?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
