And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
