They should really pass out barf bags in church
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
