i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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