My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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