I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
