The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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