some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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