We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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