This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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