then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
