The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
