this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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