I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
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