I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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